Lordie, lordie I have been busy. Between booking movers/cleaners for my move, grad school starting, work, and personal life… I’m beat. Luckily I’ve been able to stick to my new eating lifestyle pretty well and have found myself under 150 lbs. a few days this week. I’m hoping I can stay here. I REALLY need to start incorporating more exercise/activity for my body in life, but I need to get moved and settled before I can take on much more.
Things have been a bit tough emotionally lately. With so much changing, it’s hard to stay positive as I watch my previous life fade away and come to an end. I don’t see/talk to my best friend as much anymore and it’s been really, really hard. I know these changes are for the better and will make me a better person… it’s just so hard to move on from certain things. I’m trying to stay focused on the things I need to do… pack, clean, work, class, etc. This image is on my desktop to remind myself to focus on the present and not worry so much about the past/future.
I haven’t been as diligent with blogging as I should be. Maybe I’ll try hard. 🙂 Maybe.
It’s been too long. I know, but I ranted to make note of a thought and that’s all I can spare tonight.
I grew up a Daddy’s girl and didn’t have much of a relationship with my mom growing up. I do now, of course, but I wonder what may have been different if my childhood had been spent by my mother’s side. Just a thought as I watch a show where the daughter and mother share everything at a very young age. I hid things I wish I would’ve shared.
I don’t know if I ever want to get married again. When I think about marriage, I don’t feel positive things and thus have no desire to do so; however, as I sit in my house healing from surgery, I’m reminded how much easier life would be with a committed partner. Someone who cared so strongly about me and loved me so much so that they can’t stop themselves from making me a priority. Someone who comes to my side even when I say I’m fine, don’t come. Â Someone to lean on when times are hard to take some of my burden to help me get through a little easier. Someone who listens and is attentive enough to notice when a little more care may be needed in dealing with me at any particular moment.
Is this a pipe dream? I’m not a simple woman. I need a lot of attention and are what people may call “needy” and “high maintenance”. I’ve been this way my whole life, middle child!, and don’t really see it changing. I’m wondering if maybe I’m just a little too much for one person to handle. Meh, just musing today. Sitting around not doing anything and being stuck inside leads to time just thinking and that’s not generally a good idea for me. I like to stay busy doing things and living life, but I’m stuck here with a broken face trying to mend.
I have a lover. I adore him. We’ve been in a non-exclusive relationship for over 2 years. He’s not capable of supporting me and being the man I need/want. It’s hard and has been hard the past few weeks. I don’t like talking about him much here on this public forum for everyone to see, but it’s relevant to this post. Someday I’ll have to move on from him to give myself the chance to find someone a bit more compatible. I have very deep feelings for this man and it’s so sad that it just isn’t the right fit.
Once my nose has healed and I can be a bit more active, I need to get back to focusing on my life, career, health, fitness, and everything. This will help. For now, I eat ice cream!
Nose surgery. Bad food. Good meds. Running out of shows in my queue. Marathoning “American Horror Story”, breaking with “Mistresses”. Missing playoff softball game. Supplements again, YES!!!
The past few days have been hard. My face doesn’t feel that great still, of course, and as of Friday I’m having surgery tomorrow to get my nose reset. I’m going into another week of not being able to do much and having to stay inside. I live alone, so it tends to get REAL lonely. This has put me in a funk, but I’m looking forward to my nose being healed and being able to get back to normal life.
Friday was a whirlwind. In the morning, I looked at a few rental places as I’ve started my housing search. I’m a little stressed about this given I need to be out of here by 9/10. I got a call while looking at rentals that an ENT doctor had an opening for me that afternoon. I had to drive to Reston then to Fairfax after my realtor session to get my nose looked at. This concluded with the scheduling of surgery. Once I got home, I was so exhausted that I worked for a bit then spent the rest of the day/night on the couch. Most of my friends were doing things I didn’t feel up for, so I stayed in, did some laundry, stated a new show (“America Horror Story”), and laid low.
Saturday I got up mid-morning and did the usual TV, laptop, chores thing before heading to my “favorite’s” house to hang out. Wound up taking a nap then going to eat BBQ with him and his roommates. It was yummy and I was so full/tired that I wound up going home shortly after dinner. Another friend of ours stopped by to show us her motorcycle and I’m thinking, someday, I may have to get one. Everything was great… then it wasn’t. Late night occurrences led to very unfortunate situation with my “favorite” which has made things between us not so gravy ever since.
Surgery means no supplements. I haven’t been eating well either, which is undoubtedly contributing to my mood. I’m going to get right back on it once this nose debacle has been dealt with.
Today, I did the usual weekend morning TV, laptop, and chores routine after sleeping in very late. I had brunch with my “favorite” and a friend in DC, but after a few mimosas, I couldn’t wait to leave, go lay down, snuggle, and relax. Things weren’t very relaxing at my “favorite’s” place due to the tension between us from the night before, so I decided to come home and spend some time alone… which we all know I LOVE SO MUCH. SARCASM. He’s coming over tonight at some point to stay over and take me to the hospital for surgery in the morning. There’s that.
All in all, the weekend could’ve been worse and most definitely could’ve been better. I blame my injury for most things, but in the end, no blame is to be had and moving on is all that I can do.
